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How many parents can relate to the following scenario:
“Marisol is two 2.5 years old. She touches the candy display while she and her mother wait in line to check out at Target. Marisol begins collecting different pieces of candy until her hands are overflowing with a variety. Her mother, Teresa, starts to put back the dropped pieces to the display quicker than Marisol can grab more. Teresa gently takes away the candy from Marisol’s tight grip only to have Marisol turn and try to run. As Teresa holds on to Marisol’s arm and pries the candy from her fingers, Marisol arches her back and lets out a high pitched scream. With her back arched Marisol loses her balance and lays on the floor crying and kicking her legs. Teresa knows that a full blown tantrum has started.” What is Teresa to do?
This situation is a perfect opportunity to practice a guidance technique called redirection. It is important to note that appropriate redirection is not the same as distraction. An example of distraction would be if Teresa points out, “Oh wow! Look up and see that balloon!” or “I see that there is a big red fire truck outside of the store. If you put the candy back you can go see it.” Sure, using statements like these can be a quick fix to stopping a tantrum but unfortunately, it doesn’t address the true issue of Marisol’s behavior. It’s almost as if the tantrum outburst is being swept under the rug without any resolve.
Redirection is when parents address the issue at hand and provide appropriate alternatives to the behavior. Redirection acknowledges and validates the feelings and emotions behind the behavior but yet gives an appropriate outlet. For example, Teresa could redirect Marisol’s behavior by using words to acknowledge her want of the candy and her sadness that she will not buy any today. The redirection comes into action by Teresa following up with Marisol and explaining that if it’s a snack that she wants, perhaps they can find a healthier option once they get home, assuring that a snack is waiting. Let’s say that Marisol is not even aware that what she is holding onto is candy but instead wants the items because of the colorful packaging. Teresa can acknowledge that Marisol likes to look at the colors and that they can leave the colors in the store but then go on a color hunt outside of the store to find them. The bottom line is that redirection addresses the reason for the behavior, whereas distraction only avoids it.
As parents it’s important that we stay engaged with our children during these difficult growing pains of learning to self-regulate emotions. If we only distract children it doesn’t address the underlying reason why the behavior is there. The behavior lays dormant until the next situation triggers it. By using redirection we not only address the reason for the behavior but we also provide a matching alternative that allows the child to express the behavior in an appropriate way.
The Parenting Hub would love to hear about your ideas for positive guidance and discipline with young children. Please send your comments to: parentinghub@earlylearninghub.org.
OTHER RESOURCES:
Seven Tips for Practicing Positive Discipline
http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/positive_discipline_tips.html
Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies: Description and Explanation
http://www.education.com/pdf/positive-guidance-discipline-strategies/
Positive Verbal Environments: Setting the Stage for Young Social Development
https://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/201009/MeeceOnline0910.pdf
Developmentally appropriate child guidance: Helping children gain self-control
http://www.childcarequarterly.com/pdf/spring09_selfcontrol.pdf
