When My Only Son Had Dengue
By Dr. Elizza S. Senseng
Any parent reading through news of dengue would always dread having one of his own be sick of it . More so if the mom happens to be a pediatrician like me. I often tell my patients that dengue is one illness I do not wish any of them would be sick of. I know how unpredictable it can become and how potentially life threatening it is to anyone. I also know that it is a wait and see situation. No antibiotics. No vaccines. No assurances.
My fourteen year old son is hardly sick. But that one afternoon, his fever was running very high. His occasional episodes of flu would usually present in the same way, but he would still be the same happy teen despite the high fever. Not this one. He would insist to get up because he had to finish some projects for school. A few steps after getting up on his feet, he would sit and complain that his knees are shaking and his legs feel weak. Even his hearty appetite changed. Not even his favorite food can make him eat. While the mom in me says this could still be flu, the pediatrician in me knew this is different. I have seen lives lost because they were brought in late. I decided to bring him to the emergency room that evening. Initial blood test had already his platelet down. He was very red and flushed. I prepared him for the series of blood test he would have to go through. I think it was me trying to prepare myself more than him. He still had fever when we came in. I know its when fever is down that he should be watched more. I could not sleep. At night , I would hold his arms if it would feel cold and clammy. I would check if his pulses are okay. He would have his blood test done daily. I wait anxiously for results. His fever went down on the fourth day of illness. I know we’re in for 2-3 more days of observation from the time fever stops. Each day that goes by that he is fine (no bleeding, abdominal pain, difficulty of breathing or blood pressure dropping), I am so grateful. I only felt some relief when blood tests started to normalize after three days. After almost a week in the hospital , we went home.
Dengue spares no one. Not even a pediatrician’s son. I saw and experienced the triangle of factors in illness --- the disease itself, the patient and the environment including care provided. Sometimes the patient’s ability to mount his own defenses fails. Sometimes prompt and appropriate care makes a lot of difference. Sometimes, coupled with lots of prayer to the Greatest Healer, it all works out well.
About Elizza S. Senseng, M.D.
Dr. Elizza S. Senseng is a pediatrician and a mother . She conceptualized and started Health Dynamics together with pediatrician friends. As a child care advocate, she has written articles on parenting for magazines and internet websites in the last four years. She is a contributor to the Help, doctor column for Smart Parenting Magazine (Summit Media) from March 2003- April 2006. She has been conducting seminars and workshops on parenting for the last 7 years.
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Growing up with a Teenager
By Ms. Agnes Nieto
Solo parenting is a tough job!!! Challenge to the highest degree for a single parent like me.
I have been a single parent since my pregnancy. And 13 years hence, i still am. I want to share the fun and frantic side of dealing with a teenager.
My son, Karl is a budding teeanager whose needs transformed from toys to loud music, computers, books and most of all little gimmicks here and there. Inch by inch, i watched him grow-- we played together,watched cartoon movies and tv shows together,sang (with real bad tune) melodies of children songs and he always wanted me to be on his side. In every single activity that I had,both personal and professional, he would always volunteer to go with me . He practically grew up in my office.
But, when he was 12, like a snap of a finger Karl was no longer a child, he has transformed into a young man. His needs changed. Suddenly, he was beginning to get tired coming with me to office or spending time with me going to malls. He does not appreciate the shirts and pants i bought. When I buy him shirts, he would say: don't I have a choice? He is into this loud pop songs and repeatedly play them and lo... memorizes every line of the songs. The game boy is on the side already.There are young girls calling. Phone is never free. Internet is always on line.... YM, friendster, Multiply... The language in the house changed. No more kidstuff. All toys were discard ed and he volunteered to donate to cousins, and charity.
At first, I was amused (how he has grown!) , then afraid (he wants to be independent, will i let him be?), then insecured ( i was not needed anymore, I felt alone-- he goes to movies with friends) , then angry (his ways changed, always in the mirror, phone, computer) , then an antagonist (he wants to buy stuff and shirts which i find weird and unconventional)--- I found myself criticizing him.
The changes were coming up too fast.... I fear a lot these days not knowing how I will probably answer boy's query on growing up . Once he asked me about a lot of changes happening in a boy's body and how he will cope with those. I had to review my developmental psychology books. I often wonder how I will put up with a lot of changes going on in a boy's life?. Books helped a little.... but I had to deal with a uniquely separate issues of him not having a father to help me answer "Male" questions. Tough right?
Last year, as he started grade 7, I confronted him : why he seemed always angry and irritated with all i say and d o and why he did not do well in school when he was grade 6.. ( I thought this is a teenage spell , a cross over ) . Then , he burst into tears and angrily told me, because I have to live day by day knowing I lack a major part of my life--- not having a father!! That hit me. We cried together, seriously, i listened and talked on the matter (for nearly 2 hours) then we resolved that we cannot change that fact. We needed to accept and embrace that as his and my reality. Then we made a pact that we will love each other and appreciate everything that we have instead of craving and grieving for what we don't have. He made a solemn promise to me that Grade 7 would be a different year... he will bring me honor. And he did ! He won 3rd place in the Bigkasan for Grade 7 level in Ateneo and he was consistent third honors until he graduated in the elementary level. He made me proud of him.
Today, many things are fast changing... i found a little answer.... I myself , need to grow up. I have to let go and unlearn a lot of things i am used to doing for my son. I have to see him from a different angle. Step back and understand his ways. Slowly, I began to listen to pop songs and jammed with him... i even started to watch teleseryes like Encantadia, korea novelas, watch ASAP and begin to know who is in and out of the teenage entertainment world. I danced and hummed the High School Musical songs and watched the movie more than once with him. I even began to sleep late just watching Pinoy Big Brother with him so I will be in. I allowed him to watch adult themes like Grey's Anatomy. I also began to learn and appreciate YM... friendster and the likes.... so i can relate with him well. Believe me ... it's working. I am less critical of what he does , I am learning a lot more about life ... through Karl. I appreciate him better and I love to be young again....
It feels like I am growing up again with him
About Ms. Agnes Nieto
Ms. Agnes Nieto is a Training Consultant who raised her 14 year old Karl alone as a single mom.
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Surviving Single Parenting
By Lyra Denise Cruz
I never thought I would be a single parent. It was never in my horizon. I grew up in a family with a loving mom and dad. Imagine what it felt like when it finally dawned on me that I am taking this parenting role solo. I was just starting my career with no steady income to boast. Knowing that I have a boy and coming from an all girl family, my worries ranged from how to teach him how to pee to how to teach him about other boy stuff. The most difficult part is the emotional roller coaster of pain, sadness and the need to be strong. Fourteen years hence into this role, I look back with gratefulness. This unconventional road definitely took the mettle out of me.
What helped me through the rain? I realized that what seems to be the end of the road is actually a road full of choices. Surviving is a CHOICE. I chose to keep my baby and stand up for him. I chose him as my anchor to keep going. I chose to humble myself before my parents for help because I know I cannot do it alone. I chose to be with people who really mattered. I chose to make a life and move forward. I chose not to say anything bad about my son's father. I chose to be honest to my son. I chose to tell him his situation in the best possible way that he can understand even at an early age. I chose to pray for God's help as a partner in raising my son.
Parenting is the most challenging role I have taken in this journey called Life. Every day, I pray that I hope I am doing it right. When my son was 6, I got my answer. While watching a parenting show that says single parent families are usually problematic, my son looked at me and said , " but we're just fine mom, right? " I told him with a smile, "yes, we're fine." Yesterday, my son now 14, while watching a show discussion on single parents, without saying a word, reached for my hand, held it firmly and gave me a warm smile.
My heart tells me the choices I made are well worth it.
About Lyra Denise Cruz
Lyra Denise Cruzis a physician and is a mom to Eman.
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Raising Twins: Twice the Joy
By Tet and Mylah
Having a baby is an exciting event. Having twins, is doubly exciting! I talked to two moms, a generation apart about their thoughts on raising twins. Tet has twin girls (now in their forties) and Mylah has twin boys (now three years old).
Q. How did you know you were having not just one but two babies at the same time?
A.(Tet) I noticed that as I feel a “kick” on one side , there seem to be another kick on the other side soon after as if answering the other kick. My OB examined me and said, most likely I am having twins. My tummy was also unusually big. I could not see my feet when I am standing up. There’s no ultrasound yet in 1965.
(Mylah) When we had an ultrasound taken at around the 2nd-3rd month of my pregnancy. We thought our OB was joking when she said we’re having twins. We had to ask her twice if it was really true.
Q. Are there other twins in the family?
A. (Tet) My cousins (mother side) are twins, both males.
(Mylah) My dad’s mom had twin sisters, and Ferdie’s grandmother had cousins who were twins
Q. How was your pregnancy like compared to a single baby pregnancy?
A. (Tet) It felt heavier.
(Mylah) It was very,very different! For starters, The nausea, vomiting and morning sickness were much more severe compared to my first pregnancy. And the weight I had to carry was double. On my 4th-5th month of pregnancy, people kept asking me if I was due to give birth already because I was soooo big!
Q. You delivered through Normal delivery or Cesarean section?
A. (Tet) Normal delivery . One weighed 3 lbs 8 oz. The other one weighed 4 lbs 12 oz.
(Mylah) I delivered Ali and Japi by Cesarean section, at 7 months of pregnancy (2 months earlier than expected). Both though not fully mature had strong lungs and was given minimal oxygen support.
Q. How did you go about feeding them?
A. (Tet) They cry to feed almost at the same time or one after the other. I am barely done with one and the other one is crying already. Its almost like that in everything. Almost like clock work.
(Mylah) During the first month of their life, they had to remain at the NICU for observation and for them to reach their desired weight so that they can go home.Ali’s birth weight was 1.5kg, and Japi weighed 1.3 kg. Since I was not able to breastfeed them, I pumped my breastmilk regularly and brought it to the NICU. When they were finally allowed to go home, they were able to feed well from a feeding bottle. It was tough during the first 3 months at home. Since they were very,very small. Once I finish feeding Ali, it’s Japi’s turn to feed. And when Japi’s done, It’s now Ali’s turn. I barely had enough rest since I was the main caregiver of our twins. I had no yaya then.
Q. What's the most challenging part in caring for them when they were young?
A. (Tet) When they started walking. I was a young mom. I let go of the help not knowing its harder to run after two energetic kids.
(Mylah) It’s true what they say about having twice the joy whenever you have twins. However, each time they both cry at the same time, it breaks my heart because I only have 2 arms and I cannot carry nor cuddle them both at the same time. One twin has to wait for his turn, and it’s so heart-wrenching for a mom to not be able to instantly be there for her baby. Until now, I always feel as if the time I spend with them is not enough. I can never have enough time to do everything I want to do with them.
Q. How do you tell them apart?
A. (Tet) Moms would always know. Physically, one is bigger than the other one. When they were older, even if the way they talk is the same, I can still tell them apart. Even if I don’t see their faces. At one point, one’s hair is short and the other one wears it long to help others tell them apart.
(Mylah) People have a hard time telling them apart. I always get asked if they are identical. For me, I don’t think they’re identical at all. Ali’s bigger and his eyes are also bigger. Japi’s the smaller one- he was delivered last- but he’s fast catching up with Ali. How do I tell them apart? I just know.
All about Tet and Mylah
Tet is mother to her twin girls and another girl who came 15 years after the twins. She had her twins at age 21. Both twins now have children of their own. So far , no twin pregnancies for them.
Mylah is also mother to Nio (her first child), who is five years old . She had the twins when she was 37
Q. What practical tips can you give moms like you who are having twins?
A. (Tet) You have to be quick in doing things. An extra pair of hands to help you would be great.
(Mylah) Having 1 baby is demanding, having 2 at the same time can be overwhelming. If you’re expecting twins, make sure you have a good support system: your husband, and all the help you can get! And, always buy them identical toys!!!!
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